Take a peek into our chaos

It was a normal day at work. I was messaging a family friend, excitedly texting her that I think our life may be settling down. Ex-wife 2’s Facebook changed and so did her husbands. The state sex offender registry removed ex-wife 2’s address from the list of his alternate addresses.

I had positive thoughts going through my head, maybe they will finally split. Maybe, we can attempt to co-parent. 5 and 6 can have a life with all her parents getting along. I know its not right to wish the end of a relationship but as a parent, children don’t belong around child sex offenders.

For months, 5 and 6 have told us that the husband refused to come back to the state. He moved back to his home state a couple years ago. They told us that their mom and her husband have been fighting a lot recently. Later that day, we found out that it was all a ruse so it made it easier for 5 and 6 to lie to us.

The family friend messaged me that when she saw 6 at the store a few weeks back, 6, ex-wife 2, her little sibling was with a man.

No, it can’t be. I was in denial. I frantically described the husband and asked her if it sounded like him. She wasn’t sure by the description. I scrolled and scrolled looking for an updated picture of the husband. My phone froze and didn’t want to load. Internally, I freaked out.

The state sex offender registry is supposed to update pictures every year but his was 5 years old. We are blocked on all social media. I couldn’t get a current picture from there.

I hit send on the old pictures and crossed my fingers. I included ex-wife 2’s brother in desperation it would be him instead. My heart sank as I sent them. I had that nasty feeling of uneasy in the pit of my stomach.

A little back and forth and my hopes were dashed. The family friend told me that it was the husband. Ex-wife 2 was openly walking around in a local big box store with her husband, 6 and their little sibling. I found out on a hot, summer Friday afternoon. It was a parenting exchange day. Mr. Chaos was court ordered to return them.

I had to tell Mr. Chaos.

He was getting ready for his new job. He works second shift at a local manufacturing company. I debated that day, how do I tell him? Do I do it in person? Do I call him? Do I text him? But I couldn’t just text him and I couldn’t do it in person, our work schedules overlapped. He would already be at work before I clocked out.

I was supposed to be working and he was supposed to be getting ready for work. I was so frustrated and sick to my stomach. How do I break the devastating news? His children have been around ex-wife 2’s sex offender husband. His ex-wife broke her promises and at that point, I thought she was breaking the law.

I decided to call Mr. Chaos on that random Friday afternoon. He wasn’t expecting my phone call. We had already spoken on my lunch break. He thought it was a nice surprise until I told him the gut wrenching news.

Mr. Chaos went silent.

I continued and told him that I sent pictures and was hoping that it would be ex-wife 2’s brother. Our family friend was positive it was the husband. We talked for a few minutes more and decided I should come home and figure out our next steps. He started with phone calls while I spoke to my boss.

I walked into my boss’s little office inside of our groups and shut the door. I explained the situation and did my best to keep it together. He told me to take all the time I needed. I work for an amazing company.

Previously, I had confided in my boss about this part of my personal life. He already knew about ex-wife 2 being married a child sex offender. Also, I included that ex-wife 2 and grandparent 1 dragged Mr. Chaos into court multiple times and subsequently caused my filing bankruptcy. The cases were dismissed in favor of Mr. Chaos but the damage was done. We were civil to each other the majority of the time but did not have a friendly co-parenting relationship.

I left his office and walked over to my desk. The last hour I didn’t get much work done. I couldn’t focus so on autopilot I saved and closed all my files. It was Friday, so, I figured I would deal with everything on Monday. With shaking hands, I packed my work stuff up and rushed home.

I didn’t realize it but that day our life as we knew it, changed forever.

I called Mr. Chaos as soon as I hit the hallway of my office building. We talked about what we could do, what do we need to do? What should we say to 5 and 6? How should we ask 5 and 6? They are notorious for lying about everything. Big things, small things, all the things about everything.

We came up with a game plan on how to discuss this with 5 and 6. He needed to get back to his phone calls so we hung up. It was a long, silent ride home.

When I arrived, Mr. Chaos and I went into our bedroom. We spoke about everything that I knew from our family friend and he told me what he had found out.

He called the sheriff’s department in our state and the state the husband is from and currently living in. He called the sex offender registry in both states. He called the police department where they were seen. He called the police department we live in. He didn’t learn much. He mostly left messages.

The only information he received was that he no longer had a probation officer and was released from probation. The stipulations that were put in place to protect 5 and 6, were no longer valid.

We had no warning.

In our state, since they were married and he was off probation, he was allowed access to 5 and 6. The only rule in our state was that he can’t be alone with them. Every one that Mr. Chaos spoke to told him that the only form of action was to go to court.

The husband’s previous PO warned us that nobody followed that rule and we would have to provide solid evidence they weren’t following it. No probation, so, no probation officer, so, no one other us trying to protect them from a sex offender.

Not just any type of sex offender.

He was an offender with a charge against a minor child. We found later that it was multiple children on multiple charges but he took a plea deal to an unspecified sex offense.

It was a parenting exchange day. We had the difficult task of sending them back to ex-wife 2 since they were not in immediate danger. The husband had gone back to his home state. The countdown to exchange time had already began.

We had limited time and even more limited options. Now, we had to speak with 5 and 6.

We called 6 into the bedroom. I told her that I already knew the truth so please don’t lie to me. A family friend told me that she saw her with her mom’s husband at the big box store. She just stared at me and then shook her head yes. It was true.

I asked her how long has the husband been coming around? She told us that he was around for as long as she could remember. I asked, “Did he stay the night with you?”

She said, “Yes, but only that one time.”

She explained that Ex-wife 2 had her lie to us. I reassured her that she is not in trouble at all and her dad and I will do everything to protect her and 5. Her only job is to be a child and not worry about adult things. We smiled and told her to go back into the living room and get ready for her mom to pick her up. My heart broke a little more.

We called 5 into the bedroom and told her that we knew that her mom’s husband had been staying with them. She told us that it has been happening a lot longer than just recently. Ex-wife 2 had told them to lie to us about their contact with ex-wife 2’s husband for most of their lives. She doesn’t remember a time that the husband didn’t come around but it started happening more often after their 3 year old little sibling was born. He was still on probation at that time and it was illegal for him to be around them.

5 and 6 told us that nothing had happened and ex-wife 2 has never left them alone. We found out later that she had left them alone. Another lie.

Then, we spoke to both of them. We reassured them that we will do whatever is needed to protect them but we wouldn’t stop them from seeing their mom at this time. These are all adult things that they don’t need to worry about. The danger is gone but we will be working on a solution. We only care about their safety.

Out the door they went to ex-wife 2’s house.

We didn’t know what the future held for us. We had so many questions and no answers. Money is always tight and what can we do? How do we afford a court battle? What has really happened to 5 and 6?

They seemed so happy going back to ex-wife 2’s home. 6 did a little happy dance when I told her that her mom pulled in the driveway. We had our good byes with my mind racing and my anxiety in full control.

How do we protect them from ex-wife 2’s husband from our home and we have no outside support from others. That day we decided to gather information. We were under the impression we had 3 months to plan how to protect them.

The husband didn’t have to re-register with the sex offender registry until then. 7 days later we found out he was back in town staying at ex-wife 2’s house. We hadn’t heard back from anyone we had called and left messages with. We had 3 days to make a plan and put it into action. We were at square 1.