Take a peek into our chaos

Love your grandchildren more than you hate their parent.

On a fall Friday night, I loaded up our van with 1, 5, 6, 7, and 8. We were on our way to our favorite hockey team’s season opener. It started out as a fun and happy time and did not turn out the way I hoped. However, it could have been worse.

We received free entrance to the game with our season tickets. Since Mr. Chaos started his new manufacturing job, he works every Friday night so it was me and the youngest 4. I really wanted help and backup in case we ran into any problems.

In his place, I invited our oldest. She is the only one of the adult kids that enjoys a night of hockey. It was a win/win for both of us. She got a free ticket to the hockey game. I had backup just in case 5 and 6’s grandparents started drama. Which they did.

We are in the middle of a custody case for 5 & 6.

Ex-wife 2 married a sex offender and it’s been a battle. She not only married the sex offender but had 5 and 6 lie about their relationship with him. Legally there wasn’t supposed to be one. He was not allowed contact with any minor children since his offense was against a 12 year old. Mr. Chaos did everything he could to protect them without taking custody and not controlling who Ex-wife 2 dated.

Her parents carry season tickets to the same hockey team that we do. They have not seen 5 & 6 in 2 months. When Mr. Chaos refused to send the girls back to the danger of staying at their mom’s house, he called the grandparents. He attempted to explain to them why he is doing what he is doing. His intention was not to keep the children away from them but keep them safe.

We found out during those 2 months that grandparents were aware of the contact. Grandma came with Ex-wife 2 to our home during a short visit and caused a huge scene. 5 & 6 ended up walking in the home and stopping the visit. Grandma was dragging their little sister by the hand back to the car while cursing and flipping Mr. Chaos off alongside her daughter. (Another story for another time) The grandparents are not safe for them.

Leaving for the Game

It was a miracle for us that we were running only 15 minutes behind. The kids were laughing and messing around in the back of the van. I attempted to eat my dinner while making the short drive. 1 and I were chatting. Usually life goes smoother when Mr. Chaos has to work.

After parking in our normal spot, we started the short 10 minute trek to the game through the skywalk. The kids were horsing around. Playing tag and chasing each other. They know their way, even the youngest at 4. He loves to hide behind the posts and jump out and “scare” us. We are always an organized chaos wherever we go. I was cautiously optimistic about the night ahead of us.

At the Game

The line for our freebies and special order pickup was surprisingly quick. However, keeping 4 kids under 12 in any line is not enjoyable. I let them wander off to the play area designed for kids that is within eyesight.

There is an inflatable hockey net, some games and a small kiosk of our teams gear for sale. The kids were close enough that I could keep an eye on them. Bonus, they didn’t have to stand in the boring line with me and annoy everyone around us. 7 was doing the potty dance so I asked 1 if she could take him to the potty. While the rest hung out and played. So far it was a fun family night out.

The First Possible Encounter

I spotted grandparent 1 in the crowd carrying a beer for grandparent 2. From the outside perspective, her main job at the hockey games is to fetch his beer. I don’t know if she saw us or not. She kept her eyes forward and weaved in and out of the crowd.

I let out a sigh and attempted to relax. After a couple attempts from the team workers. We had OUR freebies and the correct number of bags that contained our special order.

The opener is always crazy busy. The excitement that the hockey season has started. I gather up the children and it was our turn to weave in and out of everyone.

We Made It To Our Seats

The kids were on their phones and talking/playing with each other before the game started. 1 and I were in conversation as I passed out our newly picked-up team gear. Sweatshirts and hoodies galore.

I don’t notice much from the grandparents but I was focused on our chaos. Our seats are on the same side of the rink but they sit center ice. We sit a few sections away.

I kept glancing up watching for my aunt or my cousin to arrive. They sit directly above us. I’m a nervous wreck waiting for them. I promised 5 & 6 that Aunt or Cousin would stop anyone before they reached us. They are our last defense between the grandparents being capable of approaching us without warning.

Grandparent 1 and 2 are 5 and 6’s maternal grandparents.

They have helped out with them since their birth. Mr. Chaos and I were under the impression they were civil with us. They seemed to protect 5 and 6 from ex-wife 2’s husband. We were very wrong. They helped cover for their daughter.

They supported their daughter financially and with the care of 5 and 6 despite Mr. Chaos’s many attempts to relieve some of their responsibility. It seemed like we co-parented with the grandparents more than ex-wife 2 over the last 8 years.

We recently found out that they hated us and would talk nasty about us behind our backs. On many occasions, 6 told us that grandpa would flip Mr. Chaos off when his back was turned. Grandma had some nasty nicknames for me. We thought they were helping protect 5 and 6 from the husband but they were helping perpetuate the lies.

Photo by Jerry Yu on Unsplash

The Pregame Began.

Singing by a local choir and the little boy scouts holding the flags. Introductions to the starting line and the official puck drop. My aunt and cousin still haven’t arrived. There are people sitting in their seats. I’m watching my phone closely for a text or call. I really needed their presence to help keep the grandparents at bay.

Finally, I can breathe. My aunt shows up and kicks the people out of her spot. The game is about 60 seconds in. I have the kids put away their phones.

We don’t allow the kids to play on their phones during the first period. Its a compromise. They like to come to the games but sometimes they get bored. I’m not paying a ton of money for them to stay on their electronics the entire time, only part of the time.

The First Period

Time is going by pretty quickly. 6 and 7 were sitting in the row ahead of us. We added 5 and 6 seats right before the season started. Their seats were not available for the first game. Everything started off with no problems.

As the end of the first period drew closer, 5 started to curl into a ball. She pulled her hood over her head and kept looking toward her grandparents and then off in the distance.

I noticed that grandpa was staring and won’t stop. 5 is getting more and more visibly upset. The period is over and 6 is not aware of what is happening.

Since our season ticket seats are directly beneath my aunt. We always go and talk to her during the intermissions. While walking up to their platform, 5 started to cry and shake. 6 becomes upset when she caught on that grandpa is staring at them.

I start to mentally brainstorm about people that could potentially come and pick them up. While I tried to keep them calm. I send 1 out to the hallway once I notice grandparent 2 up from their seat.

I’m on the phone explaining to 2 about what was going on. I needed to see if she can come and pick up 5 and 6. She couldn’t. I’m racking my brain, 3 is working now, 4 is working. The last person I could think of, my mom. 1 comes to me and she lets me know that grandparent 2 walked by our hallway. He waved at her as she was walking back to tell me.

How does a person intimidate their grandchildren who they supposedly love?

It’s not an easy feat for Grandparent 2 to walk. He has a very bad back. He was in a wheel chair all last season. All he does is sit and watch the game while grandparent 1 is his gofer. She brings him food and beer and he only gets up to go to the bathroom that is located next to his section. In 7 years of going to hockey games, he has never walked to our area.

Before stepping out, I check in with 5 and 6 who are both crying and shaking. This is not a normal response to grandparents. I don’t know why they are so nervous, but I’m in mama bear mode and just want them safe. However, I can’t go full mama bear on their grandparents. I need to keep a level head due to the custody case.

I called my mom. She told me she wasn’t at the campground. My parents camp from spring until fall. She asked what was going on. I explained the situation to her and asked if she would come and pick up 5 and 6. I was pacing between my aunt’s seating area and down our hallway, keeping an eye out for grandparent 2. He popped out from behind a column on the wall and waved at me.

I decided at that moment if 5 and 6 wanted to go home we would.

Intermission was over and we had to go and sit back down in our seats. 1 told me that she understood if we had to leave early. 5 and 6 calmed down, but grandparent 2 won’t stop staring. I asked all the kids if they wanted to stay. Everyone decided we could leave. I told them that this was the one and only time I will allow them to intimidate us.

We left as soon as the puck was no longer in play. We walked the long way around the arena since grandparent 1 wasn’t in her seat. We didn’t need to run into her.

The kids were messing around again, 5 is slowly coming back out of her hoodie. We got the majority around the arena. Then 6 came up and whispered in my ear. She said that is mom’s friend talking about a man who passed us.

I can see it in her eyes, she was worried. I told her that we are all here and there is nothing to be worried about. The friend walked out of sight and she relaxed.

We walked back to the van. Our chaos is in full swing. Children are running and laughing. Hockey was over early for the night, but the season is just starting. This will not be sustainable. 6 tells me that she will feel a lot more comfortable if dad is there. He is her protector. There will be a better plan in place for next time.